Hey, I've got a swell idea! Let's start a third political party!

As apparently everyone but you and I know, the Democratic Party has been taken over by radical socialists, the Republican Party has been captured by Zombies crawling out of the graves of the John Birch Society and the KKK.  But not to worry, that well-known political genius and candidate for the Alf Landon slot in American politics, Andrew Yang, has gotten together with another couple of winners, former Republican congressman David Jolly and former New Jersey Republican governor Christine Todd Whitman and the three of them have come up with a sure-fire Answer for America! 

They’re starting up a third political party that will appeal to a group they have discovered that virtually no one has ever considered:  the “moderate common-sense majority” that has apparently been claimed by no one, at least so far.  They’re going to call their new venture the “Forward Party,” a merger of three groups that reads like the set list for a concert by Up With People:  the ”Renew America Movement,” which nobody has ever heard of  probably because according to Reuters, it was “formed in 2021 by dozens of former officials in the Republican administrations of Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush and Donald Trump;” the “Serve America Movement,” described as a group of former Democrats, Independents and Republicans formed by rent-a-pundit David Jolly, and of course the “Forward Party,” a creature of the aforementioned David Yang, who deserted the Democratic Party in 2021 because he felt rejected and lonely after his dismal showing in the last Democratic primary for president.

I mean, smarm crossed with incompetence salted down in a vat of good intentions!  Who wouldn’t vote for that?

Naturally, our three Heroes of the Moment have written an op-ed in the Washington Post to announce their invention.   “Americans have lost faith in government,” they write.  News to me.  “That is what happens when democracies fail:  People feel their voices are not heard.”

Well, whoopdedoo!  Finally we’ve got a troika from the sainted middle to speak for us!   I’m sitting here wondering why I couldn’t have come up with this one, it’s such genius: “In a system torn apart by two increasingly divided extremes, you must reintroduce choice and competition. The two major parties have hollowed out the sensible center of our political system — even though that’s where most voters want to see them move. A new party must stake out the space in between. On every issue facing this nation — from the controversial to the mundane — we can find a reasonable approach most Americans agree on.”

Boy oh boy.  Who could have imagined such a thing?  And what solution do they have for these desperate times?  Let’s give them a listen:  “The two major parties have shut out competition, and America is suffering as a result.  That’s why we’re proposing the first ‘open’ party. Americans of all stripes — Democrats, Republicans and Independents — are invited to be a part of the process, without abandoning their existing political affiliations, by joining us to discuss building an optimistic and inclusive home for the politically homeless majority.”

Their concluding paragraph sounds like an application to be a talking head on an MSNBC daytime program: “Giving Americans more choices is important not just for restoring civility. Our lives, our livelihoods and our way of life depend on it.”

Talk about platitudes instead of a platform.  They should call their super-pac Kumbaya.com.  I just know the contributions will flood in.