Down, down, down we go

How much lower, nobody knows

How ‘bout we go higher for a change and subscribe to Lucian’s Newsletter?

Deborah “Shoulder Scarf” Birx is so sorry she stood there in the White House briefing room with her thumb up her ass while Trump recommended drinking Clorox and lied about numbers of cases of COVID and masks and everything else about the virus for a year.

Lindsay “Little Lindsay” Graham bought himself a shiny new AR-15 so he can defend his house against marauding “gangs,” and probably because if you don’t own one of these things, they throw you out of the “base” on your pin-striped butt.

You remember the phrase, “there is no bottom” don’t you?  The idea, principally involving Donald Trump, that he couldn’t possibly go any lower than he just went with his latest tweet or his latest lie.  Well, I’ve got news for him.  He’s got competition.

Little Lindsay, for one.  Can you imagine this lame squeak-toy masquerading as a senator from South Carolina and his own personal assault rifle?  Don’t you wonder where he keeps it, so he can defend against all those “gangs” that are determined to steal all his antiques or take the brooch he inherited from his mommy, or whatever the hell else he thinks he’s defending?  Well, at least we know which gangs he’s not afraid of:  The Oath Keepers and the Proud Boys and the Three Percenters, because of course they’re they ones who were “kissing and hugging” the Capitol Police on January 6, according to Lindsay’s golf partner and Mar a Lago lunch-buddy.  Nothing to worry about from them, no sir.  We’re not afraid of those gangs, because, you know…they’re not Black.

But it was last night’s CNN special entitled “COVID War:  The Pandemic doctors speak out,” that takes the cake for this week’s How Low Can We Go Award.  What fucking war?  There was never a goddamned “war” on COVID!  You point to one thing this country did during the 12 months or so Trump and his administration were in charge that amounted to a “war.”  Did they institute a nation-wide campaign against the disease, one in which all 50 states and Puerto Rico and other U.S. territories would all be doing the same thing at the same time to fight the disease?  If anything even remotely resembling a national unified effort was undertaken, I must have missed it. 

And the very idea of collecting these nincompoops in one place with the apparent purpose of asking them what really happened?  I mean, they had 365 opportunities between January of 2020 and January of this year on any given afternoon to pick up the phone and call CNN or the New York Times or MSNBC or the Washington Post or anybody for crying out loud and unburden themselves about what the hell was really going on inside the White House or the CDC or the DHS or the FDA, because that’s where they worked, or allegedly worked anyway.  Any one of them could have called a press conference out on Pennsylvania Avenue in sight of the White House and blown the whistle on the fucking criminal enterprise that was the Trump administration’s response to the most deadly outbreak of disease in this country in a hundred years. 

Nobody was stopping them.  There wasn’t a squad of D.C. cops or Secret Service agents out there preventing them from opening their mouths and telling the truth.  Birx tried to imply that somehow Trump threatened her, at least that was the question from CNN.  “I got called by the President. It was very uncomfortable, very direct and very difficult to hear."  “Were you threatened?” CNN asked her?  "I would say it was a very uncomfortable conversation."

Oh, goodness!  She must have broken out in a sweat and got one of her scarves all damp and everything!  A very uncomfortable conversation,” she said.  What about all the “very uncomfortable conversations” happening in every fucking hospital in the country when doctors walked outside to tell family members that dad, or mom, or a son or a daughter just took their last gasp on a respirator?  How many times you figure that happened?  Ten thousand?  Twenty?  A fucking hundred thousand times?

And who in the flaming son of the devil is Dr. Robert Kadlec, identified by CNN as a disaster response official at the Department of Health and Human Services.  You ever remember hearing from or about this goof over the last year?  You would think that being the assistant secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services for “disaster response” would put you right in the middle of the COVID pandemic, wouldn’t you?  So where the fuck was Kadlec? 

Well, I had to look him up and here’s what I found.  He was the subject of a long-forgotten whistleblower complaint from way back in May of last year that I have a dim memory of.  While the COVID virus was rampaging through the country and killing at first dozens, then hundreds, then thousands a day, Kadlec was awarding a sweetheart no-bid contract for a fucking smallpox vaccine to some company called Emergent BioSolutions he had a personal connection with, at a price that was twice what the government had previously paid for the same vaccine.  So what did Kadlec do?  He proceeded to go after the guy who filed the complaint against him, Rick Bright, who was the head of BARDA, the Biomedical Advance Research and Development Authority.  Kadlec demoted him, transferred him out of BARDA and put him in a job where he had nothing to do.  So all the time Kadlec actually has something to do, an actual “disaster” to respond to, he’s running around awarding insider deals for a vaccine against a virus we haven’t had a case of in fucking decades.

And he’s one of the SOBs that CNN chose to have on its “COVID war” special.  (Rick Bright, on the other hand, was recently appointed to President Biden’s coronavirus advisory board.)

Let’s not even discuss Robert Redfield, the director of the CDC who was in charge of shutting up everyone in that once-prestigious government agency.  Or Stephen Hahn, head of the FDA, who, shall we say, didn’t exactly distinguish himself or his agency as 500,000 souls were buried under his watch.  Or Brett Giroir, the former four star admiral you used to see standing next to Trump during his Rose Garden appearances when he was screaming about “opening up” the economy and telling us the coronavirus was going to “just disappear.”  He was Assistant Secretary for Health and was put in charge of COVID testing, which we will all recall was such a success that more than a year after COVID, it is still a gigantic pain in the ass to get a test for the virus.

CNN had all these goofs on its air last night because they know “the real story behind the scenes” in the “war on COVID.”  Not one of them ever flapped so much as a corner of their bottom lip to tell what they knew about how fucked up the whole Trump administration was during the year they served under the Golfer in Chief.  Not one of them considered for even a moment resigning from their position and going public.  And now, we’re told, they are all working on restoring their reputations while there are 500,000 dead bodies out there who were buried on their watch which will never be “restored.”

I’m so glad Joe Biden made it to the White House so he could stand out there on the back lawn the other day where Trump used to tell all his lies to the press and finish answering a reporter’s question about Georgia’s new voting restrictions by saying, “You can’t provide water for people about to vote.  Give me a break.” 

I’ve wanted to hear someone say “give me a break” for four long years.  Give me a break, CNN, asking all these lame fucks to tell us the truth about Trump and COVID, 500,000 lives too late.  Give me a break, Shoulder Scarf, with your whining about Trump making you feel “uncomfortable.”  Give me a break, Little Lindsay, with your brand-new shiny shootie-thingie that’s going to scare all those nasty gang guys.