Of course I agree with the premise of Lucian’s piece. However, my languaging would be a little different.
Men are sex addicts. Raving sex addicts. Being a heterosexual man in recovery from sex addiction, because you never heal it, you’re just in recovery at best. I can say definitively that Lucian knows whereof he speaks.
I can never speak for what it’s like to be a woman. I can never speak for what it’s like to be anything other than heterosexual. But I can endorse with no hesitation Lucian’s central assertion.
Raging hormones first made their appearance at puberty when I was a teenager. It’s one of those things you can never possibly forget, because the experience of raging hormones is an affliction that never goes away. Until my early 40s, against my wishes and against my better judgment and against my will power, I would have a thought about women and sex multiple times every minute to every few minutes.
Men are pigs IF they allow themselves to react and respond to sexual impulses. It is behavior, not the constitutional inclination to sex addiction, that determines which man acts as an actual pig in society.
Raging hormones seems to be a uniquely male affliction. Again, I could never speak for women because I’ve never been in those shoes, but from many conversations I’ve had with many many women, I haven’t seen the same level of sex addiction and sexual impulse that men experience. I could name two women that I know who are sex addicts, who by their own admission are as addicted to sex as your average man. However the other women I have known do not qualify.
It’s actually amazing, the level of restraint. If women only knew just how brutal and relentless the barrage of sexual thoughts and impulses is that men have to go through. Again, until my early 40s, it was nonstop: I could not turn it off, nor even turn down the volume.
The good news is that you can break the addiction to the point where it doesn’t run your mind 24/7. You can break it, but you can’t eliminate it. You can soften it, but you can’t get rid of it.
I don’t think I’m going to engage in conversation about this subject. Much as I love people, both men and women, this uniquely male problem is difficult to understand, or to even acknowledge the severity of, unless you have experienced it yourself. For the women reading this, if you don’t agree with Lucian, if you don’t agree with me, then I recommend interviewing the men in your life. It doesn’t matter where they stand: father, brother, uncle, cousin, sons past the age of puberty, friends, lovers, partners. Trust me, your research will not have to go beyond 2 or 3 exemplars of the gender.
I would certainly agree that not all men (or women) are sex addicts; indeed, it would seem absurd not to. But sex addiction — and his perception, whether one shares it or not — is what Roland was talking about. What Lucian is talking about is a different and near-universal (in a particular cohort) concern. 🤔😉😊
I agree with you Roland. I am married to a sensitive, kind and gentle man and yet he is a sex addict. No one would ever suspect it and I certainly didn’t as he never acted inappropriately towards me. He attends SSA meetings and regularly sees a therapist, but like any addiction you never graduate. It’s an ongoing process. Together we came up with accountability strategies, but once trust is broken it’s difficult to repair. Just like you, the older he gets the less the compulsion. Or so he tells me...
I have asserted for some time that any male in North America older than 50 or so (maybe younger, and I include non-hetero men) has (at least) one or two events in his younger past that, when recalled for some reason and considered from a current perspective, causes him to internally shudder, with an unspoken “yeesh”. 🤔😉😊
No man or woman should be forced to leave gainful employment because of allegation of sexual harassment, a law few people know well enough to describe it. No politician should leave office over allegations. Bring on the unbiased investigation run by lawyers who know the law, its precedents, and cases. In my 40 years in HR I never heard a woman or man express full understanding of the law in the absence of specific training. Cuomo needs to stay put and wait for the findings. The damned media needs to hire people who know the law to report on allegations and stop using the allegations for “concern trolling.” What upsets a 25 year old in a high pressure job may not be illegal even if it is inadvisable.
But no legal protection for the people he harassed? I doubt you’d agree. No one has a “right” to a political office. It can still be legal, but morally and politically “wrong”. 🤔😉😊
Oh my God... I wept, I laughed, and I didn’t even want to take the time to comment...because all I want to do is share this, first and foremost, with my 27 year old daughter, then with every friend, neighbor, and stranger who is within range of my multiple avenues of communication. Thanks Lucian! Where have you been all our lives? God speed!
That was pretty much my reaction. I posted my favorite line on Facebook. FB removed it as contrary to its community standards. I have appealed (see my comment elsewhere on this board). Watch this space. ;-)
A lot to take on board here, Lucian. Composing my thoughts. We're about the same age and have lived many decades in the same zeitgeist, with the obvious difference of gender. I was a young woman, with a privileged education, who stumbled into the movie business by pure accident. More later, if you care to hear it.
I posted my favorite line from this post on my FB timeline: "We have, as Democrats, a pig problem, principally because there are men in the Democratic Party, and men are pigs." FB has deleted it as a violation of its community standards (whatever they are). I have appealed. In case anyone's collecting data about how FB doesn't recognize the problem or even get what it is . . .
When I got to "We have, as Democrats, a pig problem, principally because there are men in the Democratic Party, and men are pigs," I cracked up laughing so hard I woke my dog up. Seriously, Lucian, you just made "pig" the funniest word in the English language. So why am I laughing at such a drop-dead serious subject? Because at some point, these never-ending stories of men who should know better acting like, well, pigs get to be TOO MUCH.
Absolutism is a quagmire. And I understand your convo with your daughter but do you see that you threw all the responsibility for awareness on your daughter...what convo did you have with V
Of course I agree with the premise of Lucian’s piece. However, my languaging would be a little different.
Men are sex addicts. Raving sex addicts. Being a heterosexual man in recovery from sex addiction, because you never heal it, you’re just in recovery at best. I can say definitively that Lucian knows whereof he speaks.
I can never speak for what it’s like to be a woman. I can never speak for what it’s like to be anything other than heterosexual. But I can endorse with no hesitation Lucian’s central assertion.
Raging hormones first made their appearance at puberty when I was a teenager. It’s one of those things you can never possibly forget, because the experience of raging hormones is an affliction that never goes away. Until my early 40s, against my wishes and against my better judgment and against my will power, I would have a thought about women and sex multiple times every minute to every few minutes.
Men are pigs IF they allow themselves to react and respond to sexual impulses. It is behavior, not the constitutional inclination to sex addiction, that determines which man acts as an actual pig in society.
Raging hormones seems to be a uniquely male affliction. Again, I could never speak for women because I’ve never been in those shoes, but from many conversations I’ve had with many many women, I haven’t seen the same level of sex addiction and sexual impulse that men experience. I could name two women that I know who are sex addicts, who by their own admission are as addicted to sex as your average man. However the other women I have known do not qualify.
It’s actually amazing, the level of restraint. If women only knew just how brutal and relentless the barrage of sexual thoughts and impulses is that men have to go through. Again, until my early 40s, it was nonstop: I could not turn it off, nor even turn down the volume.
The good news is that you can break the addiction to the point where it doesn’t run your mind 24/7. You can break it, but you can’t eliminate it. You can soften it, but you can’t get rid of it.
I don’t think I’m going to engage in conversation about this subject. Much as I love people, both men and women, this uniquely male problem is difficult to understand, or to even acknowledge the severity of, unless you have experienced it yourself. For the women reading this, if you don’t agree with Lucian, if you don’t agree with me, then I recommend interviewing the men in your life. It doesn’t matter where they stand: father, brother, uncle, cousin, sons past the age of puberty, friends, lovers, partners. Trust me, your research will not have to go beyond 2 or 3 exemplars of the gender.
All heterosexual men are not sex addicts.
It really seems that a lot of this is not about sex per se, but about power.
Indeed. Sexual harassment is not sexuality expressed in a harassing manner, it’s harassment expressed sexually. 🤔😉😊
Well said
No, but they are all pigs.
#rimshot 🤔😉😊
😊
I would certainly agree that not all men (or women) are sex addicts; indeed, it would seem absurd not to. But sex addiction — and his perception, whether one shares it or not — is what Roland was talking about. What Lucian is talking about is a different and near-universal (in a particular cohort) concern. 🤔😉😊
Not remotely.
I agree with you Roland. I am married to a sensitive, kind and gentle man and yet he is a sex addict. No one would ever suspect it and I certainly didn’t as he never acted inappropriately towards me. He attends SSA meetings and regularly sees a therapist, but like any addiction you never graduate. It’s an ongoing process. Together we came up with accountability strategies, but once trust is broken it’s difficult to repair. Just like you, the older he gets the less the compulsion. Or so he tells me...
I couldn't dream of bullying a woman for attention or sex...I mean, aren't you suppossed to get'em to like you 1st? Then you have sex,right?
Ask Harvey Weinstein...
I have asserted for some time that any male in North America older than 50 or so (maybe younger, and I include non-hetero men) has (at least) one or two events in his younger past that, when recalled for some reason and considered from a current perspective, causes him to internally shudder, with an unspoken “yeesh”. 🤔😉😊
I have one of those cringe-worthy memories.
OK, I stepped in, I engaged in conversation. But let me say that I am going to tread very very lightly.
No man or woman should be forced to leave gainful employment because of allegation of sexual harassment, a law few people know well enough to describe it. No politician should leave office over allegations. Bring on the unbiased investigation run by lawyers who know the law, its precedents, and cases. In my 40 years in HR I never heard a woman or man express full understanding of the law in the absence of specific training. Cuomo needs to stay put and wait for the findings. The damned media needs to hire people who know the law to report on allegations and stop using the allegations for “concern trolling.” What upsets a 25 year old in a high pressure job may not be illegal even if it is inadvisable.
With political leaders, it’s not about the law, it’s about public perception. A very different standard. 🤔😉😊
Everything is about public perception, and it makes me sick.
I disagree. Everyone has the protection of the law.
But no legal protection for the people he harassed? I doubt you’d agree. No one has a “right” to a political office. It can still be legal, but morally and politically “wrong”. 🤔😉😊
What you posted makes no sense to me.
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m out. 🤔😉😊
Really? At what cost?
Oh my God... I wept, I laughed, and I didn’t even want to take the time to comment...because all I want to do is share this, first and foremost, with my 27 year old daughter, then with every friend, neighbor, and stranger who is within range of my multiple avenues of communication. Thanks Lucian! Where have you been all our lives? God speed!
That was pretty much my reaction. I posted my favorite line on Facebook. FB removed it as contrary to its community standards. I have appealed (see my comment elsewhere on this board). Watch this space. ;-)
A lot to take on board here, Lucian. Composing my thoughts. We're about the same age and have lived many decades in the same zeitgeist, with the obvious difference of gender. I was a young woman, with a privileged education, who stumbled into the movie business by pure accident. More later, if you care to hear it.
I posted my favorite line from this post on my FB timeline: "We have, as Democrats, a pig problem, principally because there are men in the Democratic Party, and men are pigs." FB has deleted it as a violation of its community standards (whatever they are). I have appealed. In case anyone's collecting data about how FB doesn't recognize the problem or even get what it is . . .
I am in another 30 day for nothing.
Someone posted a crack about a child looking like the product of Aunt Bee and Hitler...I said "ugly kid"...pow!
Men/boy’s bad behavior will change when pigs fly.
Have to ask...as a member of the Porcine Fraternity...did your daughter survive the battle of the sexes safely?
When I got to "We have, as Democrats, a pig problem, principally because there are men in the Democratic Party, and men are pigs," I cracked up laughing so hard I woke my dog up. Seriously, Lucian, you just made "pig" the funniest word in the English language. So why am I laughing at such a drop-dead serious subject? Because at some point, these never-ending stories of men who should know better acting like, well, pigs get to be TOO MUCH.
Kudos. Yes, yes they are. ❤️
yes and no. I would love to discuss this with you
Absolutism is a quagmire. And I understand your convo with your daughter but do you see that you threw all the responsibility for awareness on your daughter...what convo did you have with V