What are we to do about these Republican fools?

Gaetz, Taylor Greene, Boebert, and now Greitens. The clown car is getting crowded.

You know what’s not crowded? My list of new subscribers. C’mon people! Step up!

I’ll bet you’ve been wondering what Kimberly Guilfoyle has been up to.  You remember Kimberly, don’t you?  She of the bat-wing eyelashes and inflatable lips next to Number One Son Don Jr. doing the boogaloo to “Macho Man” backstage before Trump’s stop-the-steal incitement address on the Ellipse on January 6?  Yes, that Kimberly.

She just signed on as the so-called “national chair” for the Senate campaign of former Missouri Governor Eric Greitens.  You remember Eric, don’t you?  He had to resign from his governorship in 2018 when his hairdresser accused him of undressing her, forcing her to perform oral sex, kissing and touching her crotch without her consent, and then threatening to release nude photos he had taken of her if she told anyone of his attacks.  Greitens, who was married and ran on a “family values” campaign for governor, is a former Navy Seal, Rhodes Scholar with a Purple Heart, Bronze Star, and doctorate in “refugee studies.” 

Greitens, the hairdresser said, took her to his basement where he made her change into some sort of costume and then taped her wrists to pull-up rings and put a blindfold on her before he kissed her neck and chest and then ripped off her blouse.

Yes, that Eric Greitens has decided that now is a good time for him to re-enter the political fray by running for the senate seat from Missouri that has become open because of the resignation of sitting senator Roy Blunt. Apparently associated with Greitens’ decision to run for office has been his championing of Trump’s election fraud claims and frequent appearances on the podcast of former White House strategist and accused and pardoned fraudster Steve Bannon.  Greitens said in an announcement of Guilfoyle’s new position, "I am honored to have Kimberly's support. Her work on behalf of President Donald J. Trump was unmatched."  Politico has been reporting that Republican strategists have tried to warn Trump that “Greitens would be the one GOP candidate who could lose to a Democrat,” much as GOP candidate Todd Akin lost to Democrat Claire McCaskill in 2012 after Akin opined that women who suffered through a “legitimate rape” didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant because “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Folks, Republicans just keep running crazy people for office. They keep doing it because in many cases, especially in certain congressional districts in the deep south and elsewhere, they could run a garbage can lid for congress and elect it.  Marjorie Taylor Greene, anyone?  Matt Gaetz?  Mo Brooks?  Louie Gohmert?  Lauren Boebert? Devin Nunes?

These people are certifiable.  But they are certifiable Republicans, and that’s enough to get them elected.

So what do we do about these fools?  Well, Matt Gaetz has been good enough to provide us with one strategy, which is to watch them self-destruct in front of our eyes.  Gaetz could have served in congress from the Florida panhandle until the middle of this century if he wanted to, but nooooooo.  He and Tax Collector Guy decided to indulge their mutual taste in teenagers and call girls and the rest is history.  Tax Collector Guy is facing 33 federal felony counts and is looking to make a deal with prosecutors, and Gaetz is said to be talking to that perennial expert in disaster politics, Roger Stone, to be his “political strategist” in the coming months.  Good luck to both of them.  Stone may have some difficulty finding the time to strategize for Gaetz given the fact that the Department of Justice filed a lawsuit against him this week for $2 million in unpaid taxes and late fees.

Republicans have been at this for a long time.  They elected a certifiable paranoiac when they put Richard Nixon in the White House.  They all knew he was as mad as a proverbial hatter.  He didn’t hide it.  He sat around the White House and plotted with his own attorney general about sending teams of burglars into Democratic Party headquarters and the offices of Daniel Ellsberg’s psychiatrist.  But you couldn’t find a Republican who would have voted against him if you went out and found trees to shake on the plains of Nebraska.

You have to ask yourself if there isn’t some kind of death-wish among Republicans.  They’ve got a chance to take back the House and the Senate in 2022, not to mention the White House in 2024, and what are they doing?  Making pilgrimages to Mar a Lago to listen to the gibbering of the lunatic who lost them all three centers of American political power last year.  Trump is down there raving to anyone who will listen about disappearing ballots that were magically sucked into air-conditioning vents and Mexicans who were bussed across the border to vote against him, but that’s okay with today’s Republican Party.  Hell, he and Greitens and Gaetz are the kinds of men we need in the party!  So what if they’ve got some, uh, unconventional sexual appetites! Somebody’s got to keep these libs and women in their place, and those boys know exactly what to do!

I’m not advocating that we sit back and not take these fools seriously, because while Republicans are out there beating the bushes looking for new loons to nominate, they’re working the state houses for everything they’re worth passing bills to restrict the voting rights of every Democrat they can possibly target.

But they do have a blindingly astounding talent for producing candidates who come with histories that pretty much write Democrats’ attack ads for them, Greitens being only the most recent example of such prime Republican meat.  I think we can look forward to a very exciting Republican primary season.  Do the words “clown car” bring back any memories?